life happens, coffee helps

When It Finally Works

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Whether it’s for blood pressure or depression, medication is an important part of the lives of so many people, myself included. It is life saving in so many ways, and anti-depressants and anti-anxiety medication are two incredibly important things.

I’ll never forget the first day my medication started working. It was in October of 2014, my senior year of high school, and I was freaking out a little bit. Life was really overwhelming at the time and my depression and anxiety were starting to get the best of me, so my physician prescribed an SSRI to try and rebalance everything going on in my brain.

Unfortunately, that particular one didn’t exactly work. It did the exact opposite of what it was supposed to do, and it gave me reoccurring suicidal thoughts. So naturally I went back to my doctor, told them what was happening, and he promptly took me off that medication and put me on a new one, all the while giving me a pretty strong sedative so I wouldn’t do anything rash in the next few days while my brain chemistry adjusted.

I slept for about 4 days while also going to work and school, a feat I’m that I’m not really sure was an accomplishment. (side note, when driving myself to work one day while on said sedative I thought it would be a good idea to bring my coffee with me in a coffee mug and not a travel cup and I then proceeded to spill coffee all over myself and the hood of my car in the parking lot of the spa I was working at before going inside, soaked in coffee, to sit and stare at a computer for about four hours before they finally sent me home because I was very clearly in some sort of catatonic state.)

Then, it happened. My medicine started to work

I woke up one day and realized I didn’t dread getting out of bed. I didn’t mind getting up and getting ready to face the day. I wanted to go downstairs and hug my father and drink my morning coffee and then drive to school and go to work and conquer the world, just like I did when I was a little kid and I didn’t even know what anxiety was. It was like I had been in a coma all these years and I had just woken up, ready to step back into my life.

And it was amazing.

I wanted to cry. I felt more like myself than I had since childhood. I didn’t want to drive off a bridge or just sleep. Food tasted good again. If the weather was overcast I was still able to get out of bed, and with a smile on my face.

I was finally happy.

It makes me so happy that so many people on medications like the ones I’m taking have a similar experience when theirs finally start working, and if I could have one big party with everyone that’s ever taken anti-depressants or anti-anxiety medication I totally would, but that’s a shit ton of people so I’m not going to do that…

Instead, I will just leave you with the words of the great Jenny Lawson, whose book Furiously Happy is currently changing my life.

“My drugs don’t define me. I’m not a psychotic. I’m not dangerous. The drugs I take are just a pinch of salt. A little seasoning in life, if you will. Your baked potatoes would be fine without it, but anyone will tell you that a pinch of salt can make all the difference. I am your potatoes. And I’m better with salt.”

Au revoir,

Miranda



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